Another Super Harry Parody
by puiwaihin
Summary: Harry Potter goes after all the evil, manipulative, or even slightly annoying people in his life with a vengeance. Cliche fanfiction gets hit in the cross-fire. Super!Harry crack fic. Evil!Dumbledore. 4th wall? I don't see one.


_For disclaimer, see the "closing credits"_

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><p><strong>Another Super!Harry Parody<strong>

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><p>One day Harry Potter woke up. You know, cause, the story would be pretty lame if he just lay in bed all day. So, he gets dressed, and decides that he honestly doesn't care any more about following the plot. He jumps on his broom, kicks his window open, and flies at Warp factor 8 to Diagon Alley in London.<p>

Unfortunately, Warp factor 8 was a little too fast, so he had to make a U-turn somewhere around the Kuiper Belt.

After limiting himself to sub-light speeds, he managed to make it to where all the magical shops were, Madam Malkins, Ollivanders, and yada yada yada, way too much description. Rowling already described it all in the books and they've had eight frickin movies, so you know what the place looks like, am I right?

So, on a whim, Harry heads into Gringos bank—

"It's Gringotts," whispers the voice of Hermione Granger.

So, on a whim, Harry heads into Gringotts, or whatever the bank is called, and walks up to the counter. "Hello, Sir Goblin. I realize that wizards treat all goblins like half people and crap like that, but I totally have respect for you all."

The goblins all gasp. "OMG! A wizard who is cool to goblins! You are the coolest wizard in the whole frickin world! Here, give us some of your blood."

"Okay, sure," Harry says with a shrug. He lets them have a drop of his blood. Only good can come from this.

Then one the goblins pull out a long sheet of paper.

"Well, O Noble and Ancient Respected Lord Potter sir, as it turns out, you're stupendously rich. We already knew that, which was a contributing factor to our previous thinking that you're the bee's knees, but man, we didn't know it was all this. Oh, and we thought we'd mention that, Griphook and Dumbledore conspired to rob you of your money, but now we figured it all out and we want to help you."

Harry acted all shocked and everything about the Dumbledore betrayal, but nobody bought it. I mean, obviously Harry's read fanfics before so he could totally see this coming. But at least he tried to act affronted.

"All right, so, what all do I have?"

"Well, you know the usual. The 20 Potter vaults, three of which are filled mostly with pictures of your mum and dad and thirty six years of pre-recorded messages telling you just how much they love you. (You're supposed to wipe away tears at this point. There ya go, that should be at least a Golden Globe nomination.) You also get the Most Noble and Ancient, really old, House of Black vaults, full of dark stuff. And the vaults for Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw. And you own Hogwarts, the Daily Prophet, and a majority vote on the Wizard Congress."

"Wizengamot," Hermione Granger corrected, pooffing into existence just to deliver the line before disappearing again.

"You also have Merlin's vault, which contains Excalibur, the Ark of the Covenant, as well as Muggle holdings including majority shares of Google, Yahoo, and Microsoft, and pretty much own all the debt for every single major English speaking country."

"Including South Africa?"

"Yep."

"Sweet!"

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><p>So, Harry hopped on the Hogwarts Express (that he also owned) and rode it to school, which had mysteriously opened for classes while all the exposition was going on back four paragraphs or so ago. He jumped off the train and started walking up to Hogwarts wearing way super awesome pimped out clothes.<p>

Including: A robe of the Archmage +5 (granting him every metamagic feat and immunity to most spell schools, regeneration, and invulnerability 40/adamantine), Hermes's winged boots but disguised as designer Nikes, the Infinity Gauntlet for his hands, Geordi Laforge's visor, and the Hokage's hat. Now, this might not actually look good if you really think about it, but Harry had them all completely redesigned so that it was all in black trimmed with red, or maybe gold plated. Trust me, he looked good.

Any way, as he was walking up, Draco Malfoy ran out of the castle with a sneer on his face, harboring a secret desire that this is a slash fic.

It's not. So, Harry grabbed a custom made keyboard out of nowhere and smashed Draco in the face really hard. (It's way too graphic for a K+ rating, so I'm not going to describe it.) If you've seen the movie "Wanted" on DVD or at the theater you'll totally know what I'm talking about. But if you only saw it on network TV, I think they cut that part out.

"Mr. Potter!" Minerva MacGonagal shouted as he approached the school all arrayed in his finery. "That sort of behavior is unacceptable."

"You're right, professor. I'm sorry," Harry said without hesitation.

"That's alright, Harry. But…Mr. Potter, are you wearing eight rings on your fingers?"

Harry smiled wide. "Why, yes. So good of you to notice! I have the Gryffindor family ring, Potter Ring, Slytherin Ring, Black Family Ring, Hufflepuff Ring, the One Ring, Raveneclaw Ring, and a Green Lantern Ring. (Alpha Lantern version, of course)."

"That means…you own Hogwarts!"

"Yes, it does."

"OMG! Can I have a raise?"

"No."

"Please?"

"Okay, Professor. I guess I can give you a 5% raise. You're always kind and do your best. The worst anyone ever writes about you is that you are too much of a toady to Manipulative!Dumbledore."

"And now I will be a toady to you if you make it 10%."

"Done. Now, where is Snape? He should be making an entrance right about now."

And the potions master did, his cloak billowing behind him. His hair was extra greasy. His scowl was deep and eyes dark with malice.

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><p>"POTTER!" the man spit his name out. "50 points from Gryffindor for coming to school."<p>

"Severus! He's a student here; he's supposed to come to school! And he's the new legal owner of the Hogwarts!" MacGonagal protested, taking her position as toady seriously.

"No problem, Deputy Headmistress," Harry said with a smirk. "One million points to Gryffindor for MacGonagal being a halfway decent person. And I'm deducting a million from Slytherin for having such a greasy git for a Head of House. Oh, and as the school owner, I strip you of your power to take points from other houses." Harry held out his hand and Snape's cloak was sucked over to Harry, demonstrating that the aforementioned power had indeed been stripped away.

"TWO million points to Slytherin," Snape said with a smirk. If he couldn't take points from Gryffindor he could still give them to his house.

"A billion to Gryffindor."

"A trillion to Slytherin!"

"999 decillion to Gryffindor."

Snape growled. "A google to Slytherin."

"I'm sorry, professor,"Hermione interjected. "But that should be 'googol' not 'google' if you mean the number 10^100. 'Google' is the name of the most popular Muggle search engine."

"And I own it," Harry said proudly.

"How could you know that my spelling was wrong, Granger? I said it aloud, I didn't write it. Anyway, then, a googol points to Slytherin!"

Harry smirked. "A googolplex points to Gryffindor, and for every point you give to Slytherin a googolplex more points to Gryffindor, +1 infinity, no addons."

"Curse you, Potter! Curse you!"

Harry sighed. "I'm really conflicted here, Snape. I mean, on the one hand, pre-Deathly Hallows everyone thought you were a horrid traitor. A few suspected you were not so evil, but most had you pegged as a bad guy. But then you go and show that you were brave and loyal all along, and you did it all for love of my mother. So, it's kind of hard to deal with you."

"Wait, how do you know about all those things?" Snape asked with a scowl.

"I read it," Harry said simply.

"You mean," Hermione gasped. "You have all the Harry Potter books? They were all in your vault?"

"No," Harry said, pulling out an iPad. "But there are tons of 'Hogwarts Reads the Goblet of Fire' and 'Dumbledore and Snape Read the Deatlhy Hallows' and such books online. I was kind of bored on the train ride over."

"But, Harry! You can't use Muggle electronics in a magical school! Magic will interfere with it!"

Harry grinned. "Not if you were co-adopted by Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne over the summer!" Harry pushed a button and an all black Iron Man armor encased his body, looking like a mix of the Iron Man suit and Batman's suit. Imagine something suitably badass. Insert picture here.

"But, then, why were you still at the Dursleys at the beginning of this story?" Hermione asked.

"Shut up," Harry said, pushing the button and reverting back to normal. "So, what to do with you, Snape?"

Harry thought for a second, drumming his fingers on his elbow. Then Harry pulled out a black rock and threw it to Snape. "Here, catch!"

Snape caught the rock in his hands. "What's this, Potter?" he sneered.

"Black kryptonite."

Suddenly, Snape was split into two. One looked like the Alan Rickman version of Snape in the movies, looking totally awesome in his dark angst. The other was a cartoonish caricature who scowled and looked around hatefully that looked like it did on the book cover.

"That," Harry said, pointing at the cartoon version, "is Snivellus, the pathetic greasy git who tormented me. You are Severus Snape, with all of the good movie qualities and deep loyalty from the book," he said indicating the one every one loves. "Snivellus, if you don't mind, could you step away from the school. Another hundred yards. A little more. There you go." Then Harry started chanting: "Darkness beyond twilight... Crimson beyond blood that flows, etc. etc. etc. etc. DRAGON SLAVE!"

Big giant crater. No more Snivellus.

"Thank you for not murdering me, Potter," the remaining Alan Rickman looking Snape said. "But you know, I still kind of hate you."

"That's alright. As long as you keep deeply loving my mother in your eternal stalker way."

"Done."

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><p>Suddenly, Albus Dumbledore flashed into the school courtyard with Fawkes. "What is going on here?"<p>

Harry strode forward confidently. "Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Donald Minato Alistair Dumbledore. You have betrayed me." Fawkes flew over to Harry, turned, and gave the Headmaster the finger before poofing away in a flash of fire.

"Harry, no, I would never do that! You know I am a good wizard, always doing things for the Greater Good!"

"Let me guess, you read Lemony Snicket's series and saw where the villain said that your benefit is the 'greater good' right? Of course, that what it is. All those 'lemon drops' were a dead giveaway." (If you as a reader get this one, give yourself a cookie.) Harry glared at the man he had trusted until he had woken up that morning. "You arranged for my parents to be murdered. You made me stay with a family bent on torturing me. You repeatedly placed me in grave danger. You conspired to have me killed in a duel with a dark wizard."

Dumbledore removed his glasses and a sneer spread over his lips. "Yes. I did all that. I had hoped the day you would realize what I was doing would come sometime after you and Voldemort ended up killing each other. Then there would be nobody in the world powerful enough to stop me. But no matter. I will simply kill you and then take care of Tom, myself. Then I will reign over the world for all time!"

Ron glared over at Dumbledore. "Come on. You're an old man! You know you're gonna like die in a few years, right? You're already on your second actor! There's no way you can rule _forever_."

Dumbledore smirked. "Did you actually think I really destroyed the Philosopher's Stone? Fools! I will live forever with enough gold to buy every public election! It will rain blood! Blood!"

"Um, isn't that a bit out of character?" Hermione whispered to Harry.

"Just go with it, the fans like this," he whispered back.

Albus Dumbledore drew his wand. "Do you know what this is, Harry? It is the Death Stick. The Elder Wand. With this, I am unbeatable. You don't have a chance."

"That's enough, Dumbledore. I've had it with you! In the name of the Moon, I will punish you!" Harry shouted. Then he paused for a second. "No, no, that's not right. That's only for a fem-Harry story." He thought for a moment…and then…

The entire area was filled with energy. The ground began to shake, lightning flashed through the air, frightening everyone. Harry began to yell, his voice rising as the gathering power increased. Finally, he let out an extreme scream: "HAA!" Suddenly, his hair turned a brilliant golden color and he was surrounded by a flashing golden aura that radiated out from him in waves.

"He's a super saiyan!" MacGonagal exclaimed.

A super saiyan? Dumbledore's eyes narrowed in concentration. He had to take this challenge seriously.

"_EX_—" Harry began to intone.

Dumbledore unleashed a torrent of hexes and curses, but they all seemed to bounce harmlessly off the golden aura.

"—_PEL_—"

Sweat began to pour down the Headmaster's face, his entire body shaking with the effort of keeping up the barrage of hexes and curses. But SSJ1 Harry remained unscathed.

"—_LI_—"

By now, Dumbledore was bored. He kept flinging curses at Harry, but he was tapping his foot impatiently as he did so.

"—_RA_—"

Dumbledore looked down at his wristwatch.

"—_MUSSSSS_!" Harry shouted finally, flinging his own wand forward.

The wand in Dumbledore's hand flew from his grasp, circled the Earth four times, and then landed in Harry's outstretched hand. With a smirk, Harry let his super saiyan wizard form drop. Then he looked at the wand he held and cursed.

"Wait a minute, that's not the Elder Wand! It's just a normal wand!"

Dumbledore looked on in surprise. "Oh. I guess I must have pulled the wrong one out from my belt. Where did I put that Elder Wand? Oh, here it is. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Harry gave Dumbledore an annoyed look.

"Ha ha ha," the Headmaster added.

"Quick, Harry, turned back into super saiyan wizard form!" Ron yelled.

"No, Ron, I've already done that once. That's enough."

Albus smirked. "So, what will you do now, Harry? I have the most powerful wand in the world. Nobody can stand against its power! _Deus Ex Machina_ for the win!"

Harry smirked back. "Two can play that game. Ron, Hermione. You know what to do."

The pair nodded and shouted in unison. "Right!"

All three of them jumped back towards the Forbidden Forest flying high in the air, then they brought their forearms in front of their chests, and pressed the wristwatches they were wearing that nobody had ever noticed that they had. "METAMORPHINGMAGUS POWER RANGERS!"

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><p>Close up on Ron. A red circle of graphics appears around his head, his entire head suddenly covered in a red mask. "Red Dragon Power! Dragon-zord!" He then landed with a pair of nunchukas twirling in his hands.<p>

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><p>Close up on Hermione. A pink circle of graphics appears around her head, her entire head suddenly covered in a pink mask. "Pink Phoenix Power! Phoenix-zord!" She then landed with a large bow and arrow in her hands.<p>

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><p>Close up on Harry. A green circle appears around his head, his entire head suddenly covered in a green mask. "Green Basilisk Power! Basilisk-zord!" He then landed twirling a sword in his hands.<p>

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><p>And then, out of the Forbidden Forest, three mechanical monstrosities emerged from the trees: A flying dragon and a flying phoenix mecha in the air, and a large snake like robot on the ground. The three shout simultaneously and fly up into their respective cockpits.<p>

Hermione: "Muggleborn Power!"

Ron: "Pureblood Power!"

Harry: "Halfblood Power, kinda sorta!"

Then altogether they yell, "ULTRA MYTHIC MONSTER ZORD!"

The three mechas transform and combine together into one giant 1/3 dragon, 1/3 phoenix, 1/3 basilisk monster robot, with Harry piloting in the head.

"Ok, guys! MEGA MEGA MEGA REALLY BIG ULTRA UNBEATABLE TOTAL HAX WEAPON!... FIRE!"

You would think that would probably be a good place to put a cliffhanger, and you'd be right. But I just didn't feel like it. So, we'll continue.

Dumbledore was ashes. Luckily, or more like because the author wanted it to be so, the Elder wand survived and Harry picked it up. Then he looked at Ron and killed him.

"What the hell, Harry! He just helped you defeat Dumbledore!" Hermione protested.

"Yeah, but he was a spy for Dumbledore the whole time. He only befriended me because Dumbledore told him to!"

"Are you sure, Harry? Sounds like fanfic speculation to me. And even if that's true, maybe he came to like you as friend for yourself after all of our adventures together."

Harry looked at Ron's ashes. "Huh. You know, I never really thought about that. Sorry, Ron."

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><p>"DEATH EATERS!" the cry resounded around the castle.<p>

Black robed wizards with white masks were apparating onto Hogwarts grounds.

"Hang on!" Harry protested, "You can't apparate onto Hogwarts grounds!"

"With Dumbledore's death, the school wards were undone. It might have had to do with the excessive use of power we used," Hermione chided him.

"Got that?" Harry asks everyone reading the story. "No complaining about it later."

"There's… there's too many of them!" some anonymous professor yelled. Might as well make it Flitwick. He's always good to portray as a straight arrow.

"Too many of them, eh?" Harry says, pulling out his Leaf Village hitai-ate and putting it around his forehead to fore_shadow_ (get it?) what is coming next. "_Kage bunshin no jutsu_, or Shadowclone Technique for those of you who don't like to look up Japanese terms!" he shouted loudly.

And then there were a billion Harry Potters around the school.

Shut up, Hermione.

Okay, so like something in the range of say, ten thousand. Is that okay? Glad you approve. As I was saying, ten thousand Harry Potters all with elder wands blasting Death Eaters, stabbing them with ninja weapons, and sporting foxy grins totally kicked butt.

The original Harry looked at the devastation with satisfaction. "Okay, guys, did you get their names?" The Harry clones looked back at the original and shook their heads in the negative. "Kicked butt, but didn't take names? Crap." And then all the Harry clones disappeared in puffs of smoke.

The sound of one hand clapping could be heard. Or was that two hands?

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><p>"Oh, excellent, Harry. Very well done. You have come so far."<p>

Voldemort.

He slithered in after the destruction of his followers. His blood red eyes fixed on Harry.

"Join me," he hissed. "Together, we will do extraordinary things!"

"Hmm, let me think about this…" Harry said before pulling out an AK-47 and emptying the clip into the Dark Lord.

The wizard grimaced in pain, but then the wounds slowly healed. "Ah, Harry, you have forgotten that I am immortal. You must have overlooked my horcruxes. True, you did destroy my diary with a basilisk fang, but did you ever find Helga Hufflepuff's cup?"

"Hermione. Time turner." She handed him the object, he turned it back once.

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><p>"Tank missile!" Harry yelled as his Iron Man armor fired an explosive missile that passed straight through Voldemort's shield. It exploded, ripping the man apart.<p>

The wizard grimaced in pain, but then the wounds slowly healed. "Ah, Harry, you have forgotten that I am immortal. You must have overlooked my horcruxes. True, you did destroy my diary with a basilisk fang, and somehow destroyed Helga Hufflepuff's cup, but did you ever find Ravenclaw's diadem?"

"Hermione. Time turner." She handed him the object, he turned it back twice. "Don't say a word about how it's supposed to work. I have to words for you. Poetic. License."

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><p>"FUUTON: RASENSHURIKEN" Harry screamed as he threw the wind empowered chakra attack into Voldemort's body.<p>

The dark wizard was ripped into sub-molecular pieces, but then slowly reformed. "Ah, Harry, you have forgotten that I am immortal. Even if you rip every tiny piece of me in two, I will reform again! You must have overlooked my horcruxes. True, you did destroy my diary with a basilisk fang, and somehow destroyed Helga Hufflepuff's cup, and mysteriously Ravenclaw's diadem has been destroyed, but did you kill my snake, Nagini?"

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><p>"Hermione. Time turner." She handed him the object, he turned it back three times.<p>

"Here you go, Neville," Harry said, handing the boy Excalibur. "Now, do you think you can handle the snake?"

"I think so, Harry," the Longbottom heir responded.

Then Neville turned into a super saiyan, teleported over to Nagini and hacked it into microscopic pieces, and then extended his hand and blasted it with a huge ki force, totally obliterating it a la Future Trunks's defeat of Frieza.

Harry looked at Neville in absolute surprise.

"What?" Neville asked innocently. "I mean, come on, I was the other child the prophesy could have been about, remember?"

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><p>Three hours later:<p>

"Kamehameha!"

The dark wizard was completely and utterly obliterated, but then slowly reformed into a disembodied spirit. "Ah, Harry, you have forgotten that I am immortal. Completely destroy my body, but my spirit will live on! You must have overlooked my horcruxes. True, you did destroy my diary with a basilisk fang, and somehow destroyed Helga Hufflepuff's cup, and mysteriously Ravenclaw's diadem has been destroyed, and some jerk killed my snake, Nagini, but did you get all of them?"

"Time turner?" Hermione asked.

"No, not this time, thanks Hermione."

Harry glared at Voldemort. Then his eyes narrowed into yellow slits. "So, Mr. Dark Arts Big Shot," Harry said menacingly. "Clearly, you are a Dark Lord. But did you know when you killed my parents that I received all kinds of goodies? Did you know that one of my parents was descended from the Palpatine family? I got all of their research."

"Palpatine family?" Voldemort asked in confusion.

"You see, you're not the only Dark Lord here. I'm a Dark Lord, too. _Dark Lord of the Sith_!"

Harry pushed a communicator button on his wrist. "Darth Boy-Who-Lived to Death Star, come in Death Star."

A radio voice could be heard. "Yes, milord."

"You may fire at will, Commander."

"But, milord…you are still on the planet…"

"I could Force Choke you from here, you know."

"Firing now, sir."

There was a flash of light visible from space. Harry chuckled. "Exactly as I have foreseen it."

"If you foresaw all of this, why did you need my time turner for?"

"Shut up, Hermione."

**Big Boom.**

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><p>Harry looked around. He was in King's Cross station. Only, everything was really white and peaceful and yada, yada, yada, you read the book or at least saw the movie.<p>

There to greet him were all of his family and friends. James Potter. Lily Potter. Sirius Black. Remus Lupin. Ron, Hermione, and Ginny.

To tell the truth, those last three or four did not look all too happy about this.

"The Death Star?" Hermione asked in exasperation. "The Death Star? Are you kidding me?"

"You got Voldemort and all his horcruxes, but now we're all dead, too," Remus said shaking his head. "Harry, uh, I don't think you really thought this one through all the way."

Harry Potter grinned. "Oh, have a little faith guys. Remember, I have all the Deathly Hallows. I am the master of death."

"Wait," Hermione asked confused. "When did you get the Resurrection Stone?"

Harry smirked. "You did give me a time turner multiple times, right? That pretty much gives me a way to plug up any potential plot hole."

"But… then why? You may be alive again when you go back, but we're all dead. And you'll be floating in the vacuum of space. I guess you could send a TIE-Fighter back for yourself or something and use a Bubble-head charm until it arrives, but…"

"Oh, relax. People wouldn't review if all the character death was permanent. You aren't going to remain dead. None of you are. Well, except you, mum and dad. Sorry. Can't undo you guys dying without undoing all my power, which would create a paradox and all."

"Okay, but still… why?" Hermione asked.

Harry looked at his friends and sighed. "I forget. You guys aren't magically enhanced to be super geniuses like me. Well, obviously you can't have a complete Harry Potter fanfic parody without bashing the Dursleys good. Did I do that? Nope, I just left #4 Privet Drive on my broom. And I have to break Sirius out of Azkaban and kill Pettigrew using my advanced knowledge. Not done. And I absolutely need a harem."

"But how are you going to do that after you DESTROYED THE EARTH, Harry?"

Harry smirked. "S-Rank space-time ninja technique."

Harry made a hand sign. "_Time-travel no jutsu_!"

* * *

><p>The floorboards above the cupboard where Harry Potter roomed creaked loudly as Dudley Dursley intentionally stomped on them loudly, delighting in tormenting his 10 year old cousin. But Harry didn't feel tormented.<p>

Instead, he smiled. He was back in time. He retained all of his knowledge and power from the previous life. Everything was going according to plan. Harem. Pettigrew. Sirius. But first of all…

Vernon Dursley violently opened the cupboard door, his face red with unjustified anger. "Boy! Get your—"

Harry was ready…with a dragon punch. "_**Shoryuken**_!"

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><p><strong>The End<strong>

Roll Credits, Play the Music (Preferably something Metal or Industrial House)

_**Hope you enjoyed the story, please leave a comment below if you did.**_

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><p><em>Copyright and Intellectual Property Notices<em>

A Pui Wai Hin story,

Written and Narrated by Pui Wai Hin.

Starring: A bunch of characters from other people's stories.

This story is an original work of fanfiction.

Harry Potter and all characters actually appearing in this story

were originally conceived of and created by JK Rowling

Tony Stark (Iron Man) is a Marvel comics character

created by Stan Lee

Batman/Bruce Wayne is a DC Comics character

created by Bob Kane and Bill Finger

No actual real person was harmed in the writing of this story,

a few real celebrity people were named,

but only as a reference for what a fictional character looks like

This story is intended as a parody,

and thus falls under one of the major exemptions

for copyright infringement

however, the author of this story respects the

intellectual property of the copyright holders

and would remove any offending reference to

a legal copyright holder's work at their request

regardless of exemption from copyright

* * *

><p>"Hello Harry," Nick Fury of Shield, who looks a whole lot like Samuel L. Jackson with an eyepatch, says. "Have you ever heard of the Avengers Initiative?<p>

"If I say yes, will more people leave a review?"


End file.
